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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737063">Rest</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiraelClayr007/pseuds/LiraelClayr007'>LiraelClayr007</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>NaPoWriMo 2020 [18]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Supernatural</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Falling In Love, Giving Up, M/M, Poetry, bad timing, but finding comfort in each other?</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 10:20:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>635</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23737063</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiraelClayr007/pseuds/LiraelClayr007</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <i>It’s getting worse, Cas.</i><br/>
<i>Every day…</i><br/>
<i>it’s harder</i><br/>
<i>to get up in the morning.</i><br/>
<i>Harder to go through the door</i><br/>
<i>and into the world.</i>
</p>
<p><i>You should try</i><br/>
<i>forgetting</i><br/>
<i>sometime.</i> Cas grins lazily,<br/>
knowing it’ll come through<br/>
in his voice. <i>You’d be amazed</i><br/>
<i>how much it helps.</i></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Castiel/Dean Winchester</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>NaPoWriMo 2020 [18]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1686106</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Rest</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>A sliver of moonlight–<br/>
the only light<br/>
in the room–<br/>
cuts across the dull grey<br/>
blanket. Dean’s head<br/>
is on Cas’s chest,<br/>
Cas’s hands tucked behind<br/>
his own head. It’s not<br/>
cuddling, what they’re doing.<br/>
They exist<br/>
in the same space,<br/>
but Cas is never sure<br/>
if they’re actually<br/>
close.</p>
<p><i>You seem tense. This–</i><br/>
Cas gestures at<br/>
the two of them–<br/>
<i>starting to bore you?</i><br/>
He tries to sound<br/>
flippant.</p>
<p>Dean doesn’t answer<br/>
at first, but Cas<br/>
can feel him trying to even<br/>
his breath, trying to let go of<br/>
something.<br/>
He longs to card his fingers<br/>
through Dean’s hair,<br/>
to pull him close enough to<br/>
feel their hearts<br/>
beat against each other.<br/>
Instead he forces himself<br/>
to grip his own hair,<br/>
to keep his hands in place.</p>
<p>
  <i>It’s getting worse, Cas.</i><br/>
<i>Every day…</i><br/>
<i>it’s harder</i><br/>
<i>to get up in the morning.</i><br/>
<i>Harder to go through the door</i><br/>
<i>and into the world.</i>
</p>
<p><i>You should try</i><br/>
<i>forgetting</i><br/>
<i>sometime.</i> Cas grins lazily,<br/>
knowing it’ll come through<br/>
in his voice. <i>You’d be amazed</i><br/>
<i>how much it helps.</i></p>
<p>Dean’s growl sounds something like <i>Cas.</i><br/>
It also sounds something like a warning.</p>
<p>Cas flips a hand in the air.<br/>
<i>I know, I know. You won’t</i><br/>
<i>pollute your body the way</i><br/>
<i>I do. Although I daresay you</i><br/>
<i>wouldn’t say no if I came across</i><br/>
<i>a good bottle of whiskey.</i></p>
<p>He almost laughs<br/>
at the way Dean perks up<br/>
at this. They haven’t seen<br/>
whiskey in almost a year.</p>
<p><i>There are other ways to forget…</i><br/>
Cas lets his words trail off<br/>
suggestively.</p>
<p>Dean snorts.</p>
<p>Cas sighs, loud and<br/>
melodramatic.<br/>
<i>Just offering my “services”</i><br/>
<i>more than once a week.</i><br/>
<i>If you want.</i><br/>
<i>I mean, I do have more</i><br/>
<i>free time than just</i><br/>
<i>Thursday nights.</i><br/>
And you could<br/>
stay all night,<br/>
he doesn’t say.</p>
<p>The cabin falls to silence,<br/>
the only sound Cas’s slow,<br/>
even breaths and Dean’s<br/>
somewhat ragged ones.<br/>
Not for the first time<br/>
Cas wishes he still had his<br/>
grace; he’d use it to ease<br/>
whatever pain weighs on<br/>
Dean. Or he’d try, anyway.<br/>
It’s not so easy, healing pain<br/>
to the heart and soul.</p>
<p>
  <i>We’re not going to win this time.</i>
</p>
<p>Dean’s voice is soft in the hush<br/>
of the night, but his words fall like<br/>
hailstones from a leaden sky.<br/>
He curls into Cas, almost<br/>
clutching at him,<br/>
and Cas takes this as an<br/>
invitation; his arms around Dean<br/>
feel so good but also somehow<br/>
awkward and<br/>
ashamed.<br/>
A small voice<br/>
in the back of his head<br/>
chides him for taking advantage<br/>
of Dean’s emotional breakdown,<br/>
but he pushes it aside.</p>
<p>He deserves a scrap of happiness.</p>
<p>Doesn’t he?</p>
<p><i>No,</i> the voice says.<br/>
<i>You don’t.</i><br/>
<i>But you’ll take it anyway.</i></p>
<p>
  <i>What if Sam’s still in there somewhere?</i><br/>
<i>Can I sacrifice my brother</i><br/>
<i>to save the world? And will killing</i><br/>
<i>Lucifer even save the world anymore?</i><br/>
<i>I think it’s over, Cas. I think we’re just</i><br/>
<i>waiting</i><br/>
<i>for the end.</i>
</p>
<p><i>Maybe,</i> Cas says,<br/>
his voice much too calm<br/>
for the turmoil inside him.<br/>
<i>But maybe, if you’re lucky,</i><br/>
<i>there’ll be some peace</i><br/>
<i>when you’re done.</i><br/>
<i>Maybe you’ll be able to</i><br/>
<i>rest.</i></p>
<p>Dean shudders,<br/>
and after some confusion Cas<br/>
realizes he’s crying. It’s been so long<br/>
since he’s seen even unshed tears<br/>
in the stoic hunter’s eyes.</p>
<p>Cas doesn’t speak, let’s his hands<br/>
and arms convey what words<br/>
never could.<br/>
I’m here for you.<br/>
I’ll do anything you ask.<br/>
I still come when you call,<br/>
even if I have to run instead of<br/>
fly.</p>
<p>I love you.</p>
<p>Cas is awake long after Dean cries<br/>
himself to sleep. He’s awash<br/>
with too many human feeling:<br/>
the profound pleasure of having Dean<br/>
asleep in his arms, the weary ache<br/>
Dean feels echoed in his own soul,<br/>
and the strange floating feeling–<br/>
almost like flying–<br/>
from realizing he’s painfully,<br/>
deeply in love<br/>
with Dean Winchester.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>NaPoWriMo Day 18</p>
<p>prompt: dean x cas and peace when you are done</p>
<p> </p>
<p>Oh, please don't hate me for this one. I took what could have been a happy ending kind of prompt and turned it into endverse angst. *hides*</p>
<p>BUT...let me take this moment to thank you all for reading my poems, for leaving kudos and comments and just being there to brighten these difficult days. I'm still going to work every day, and what used to be a job with zero stress (working in the deli of a large grocery store) is now scary sometimes beyond reason. But when I check my email on my breaks and see ao3 comment emails, when I log on and see the kudos grow, it truly makes my heart lighter and makes it easier to go back to work. I adore every one of you. THANK YOU. *blows safe, socially distant kisses*</p></blockquote></div></div>
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